I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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