She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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