Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
