...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
