we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
