bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize