I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
