thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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