I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
