i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
