Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
