I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
