I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
