Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
