I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
