Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
