about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
