so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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