handjob tips. give me some.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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