so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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