why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
