just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
