their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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