There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
