it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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