Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Naked. naked and bneed help.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
