I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
