he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
