A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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