i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
