so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
