Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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