I'm really into asian looking animals
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
