I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
