So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
