1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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