the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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