I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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