I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
