We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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