The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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