Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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