carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
