one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Two words: blizzard sex
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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