since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
