its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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