I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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