He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
