Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
