I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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