I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
