When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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